Nursing School is Finally Over!

The day my parents have been waiting for! Graduation! Haha! Yes, my parents, my mom to be specific! When it came to graduating from elementary school and picking a high school to go to, my parents were emotional. I am the last of four children for them, so their baby is starting high school! Well, I passed all my classes but I didn’t qualify to walk the stage at graduation. I was too young to care and too immature to see how that could hurt any of my loved ones. So I made sure to make it to my high schools graduation! I felt like I was doing it for them 100%. Now, my nursing school graduation is around the corner! This, this one is for me AND them…but mainly for me!

I will bless the Lord who has given me counsel; My heart also instructs me in the night seasons. I have set the Lord always before me; Because He is at my right hand I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will rest in hope. For You will not leave my soul in Sheol, Nor will You allow Your Holy One to see corruption. You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Psalm 16:7-11

Shiney black gown, stiff decorated cap, baby blue stole, green and gold cords… Bright white nursing uniform, white leather shoes… Here it is, and the last thing I want to do is go. I worked so hard to get to this day! I made the decision that I’m going to pinning but I would like to celebrate with my family and with the people that got me through this instead of “walking.” So, instead of attending graduation and walking, I’ve decided to go to dinner with my entire family and close friends that helped me make it. 


My mom baked and decorated a cake to look like me in my scrubs. It was by far the most special day for me, and so much better than wearing a graduation gown and having to pick 4 people to watch me. This way I was dressed up for my pinning, wore my pin, and was able to invite everyone! My parents are the best and I couldn’t have done any of this without them!!

I hurt people’s feelings when they first heard that once again I wasn’t attending graduation and walking the stage, but I think everyone enjoyed this one much more! Even my dad stood up and gave a speech! A new sight for everyone there!  

That’s it! No more writing 40 page care plans and playing go-fer for medsurg nurses that only see you as a CNA with no skill. Thank you nursing school, thank you to all the nurses that have taught me along the way, and welcome nursing world! I’m so excited to be seen as a new grad, as a nurse, as something more than just a stressed out, nursing student!


Interning Sucks… Cancer Is Worse!

Getting patient A ready to go home on hospice while family member from patient B is in the hall crying for me because she has questions about what to do now, and a patient a few rooms down was just found non-responsive… Yep. That’s what my first day of interning looked like. Let me tell you, I’ve read about all of this in nursing books and I have passed all my tests leading me up to be an RN on the floor, but damn. It’s a whole other world when you are actually up and doing it yourself.

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.”

Matthew 5:4-5

So I’m half way through my precepting (last internship) hours and I am really feeling that warmth flowing down my inner legs. Yep, I am ready to pee myself any minute during these shifts! During my orientation of the hospital my precepting nurse opened a door to what looked like a closet and told me, “this is where we go to cry!” Welcome to Oncology. 

It’s amazing, to see people come in and get treated, but I’m not working in the emergency room anymore… This is a hospital unit just for patients with cancer diagnosese. It’s sad watching my patient receive chemotherapy for the first time. It’s heart breaking to watch my coleges comfort a young wife after finding out there’s nothing else medicine can do for the young husband. 

“I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.”

Philippians 1:23-24

One morning in particular, I was assigned to three out of four patients. Remember, all of them are in some sort of critical situation and are living with and/or fighting cancer right now. It was so heart breaking but I told myself that I am so honored to be able to be that person to hold their hand through this rough part of life. I get to see these people in their most vulnerable states, and they look to my team members and I for support and comfort. 

Well about an hour in to my shift I received a few calls that I ignored, and then a couple text messages. My grandmother, whom I take care of as much as she needs, is in need of going back to the hospital. My cousin who is fighting cancer for the third time is no longer recieving treatment due to not being healthy enough, and my grandfather is having his first chemo treatment this week. Everything around me hit way too close to home now. The minute my preceptor met with me again, I apologized for what may be unprofessional or inappropriate and excused myself for the day. 

“We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves.”

Romans 15:1

Yes, being an intern in a new hospital is terrifying. Carrying around my drug book, aka new bible, to make sure I don’t medicate someone incorrectly is exhausting. Most of all, knowing four people’s lives are in my hands and their well being is based on my nursing judgement… Yes, my nerves make me throw up! I’ve thrown up, starved, binged, cried, screamed, and even zoned out during important phone calls. Interning feels like the most difficult thing in the world. That’s until I remember other people are dealing with bigger issues.